As I continued to research ways I could help Haiden, I continuously came across information about curing autism. Even though the logic behind it made sense, it seemed too good to be true. The one thing that I kept coming back to was the yeast build up in these children's guts which caused several different bowel issues. I asked Haiden's pediatric GI specialist at Riley about this and he said that was all a bunch of bull. Of course, I believed him, he was the doctor. Three years as a mom and I hadn't learned to trust my instinct.
This time was difficult emotionally. Okay, I was an emotional disaster. I was experiencing a ton of guilt for bringing a child into the world with so many difficulties. I was angry at God for allowing this type of thing to happen. I was sad because I felt like Haiden's course of life had been forever changed. I was disappointed with the medical community because no one seemed to have answers to his illnesses. I doubted my capabilities as a parent. I was so focused on helping Haiden that I neglected myself and Brian, though Brian never neglected me. He stayed by my side supporting me 100%. He showed me that no matter what we experience, he will love Haiden and I uncondintionally and always be here for us. My mom also continued to support me. (My mom is an amazing woman and I strive to be the mom she has been.) She was always there to lend an ear and calm me down when I was a wreck. She never doubted what I was doing and always encouraged me to do what I thought was best. My family has always been my rock and I am so grateful to be blessed with such wonderful people in my life.